How to Ask for Consent Without Killing the Mood

Sexual consent is an essential part of intimacy that can help you and your partner establish personal boundaries and ensure the utmost respect is given and received throughout this experience. Not only is sexual consent necessary for intercourse, but it’s also important for all types of sexual activity including oral sex, genital touching, and anal penetration.

While you may understand the importance of consent, perhaps you’re still wondering how to ask for consent without killing the mood. Fortunately, there are plenty of different ways to ask for sexual consent even while you’re in a heated moment of passion. Follow along for our best sex tips and find out how asking for consent can actually be a little seductive.

Change Your Approach

Asking for consent doesn’t always have to be a straightforward question. Sure, it’s an option, but here are 3 other great ways to spice up this process without beating around the bush.

  1. Ask her what she wants

    With most women, giving them the power to take charge of their sexual experience is incredibly empowering. For this reason, asking the question “what do you want me to do to you?” can be both sexy and offer you consent with their answer. Whether they tell you they’d like to have sex or simply continue kissing, you’ll be given the perfect recipe for a successful sexual experience.

    Although your partner may be shy or unwilling to give you a straightforward response, they will still appreciate being asked as it comes as a sign of respect to their needs and sexual desires. In this case, you can move on to the next step to help prompt an answer.

  2. Tell them what you want

    Another great way to receive the green light from your partner is by directing the conversation to what you want to do to them or with them. In other words, putting your ideas on the table to encourage a brief conversation can help you understand what sort of boundaries she has.

    For example, while you’re passionately kissing one another, lean back and say “I would love to feel more of your body”. From here, the ball is in her court — she can either proceed to remove her clothing and give you permission to move further or tell you that she’s not comfortable continuing.

  3. Move slowly and look for nonverbal cues

    It’s important to note this option is far more appropriate for long-term relationships rather than one-night stands since you’re looking for subtle nonverbal cues to give you the ‘go ahead’. With experience, there are times when you and your partner will become familiar with one another and your sexual desires at the moment. Since consent needs to be obtained during every sexual experience, no matter if you’ve had sex with this person in the past, moving slowly and looking for nonverbal cues can help you out!

    During an intimate moment of kissing and light touching, you may be wondering if she wants to have sex with you. Rather than forcefully unbuttoning her pants, you can slowly move your hands down to the edge of her pants just below her belly button and begin to tease your finger along her waist. You’ll notice if she either makes more room for you to move further in this direction or shift away which will tell you to back off.
When in Doubt, Just Ask

When in doubt, it’s ok to be direct and ask your partner if they are open to having sex, receiving oral, or even trying new things such as anal, using sex toys, or lubricants. In many cases, this can be the best option for most couples.