How to role play in the bedroom with your partner

It begins when you sit at the bar. You order a martini and see a detective sit beside you just as you take a sip. You both look at each other—smirking, flirting. You order another round. Eventually, one of you asks the other if it’s time to take it to the bedroom.

This type of couple’s fantasy roleplay is a classic for a reason. Strangers meeting for the “first” time is enticing. If you’ve been with your partner a long time, a great way to light a spark in your sex life is through roleplay. There is an added layer of getting into character, like a detective, a faux celebrity, or favourite beloved character from a book—anything you find sexy to spice up your sexual play.

Ahead, we’ll go through what roleplay is with some tips on how to have less shame around desires and more fun in the bedroom with your partner.

What is roleplay?

Roleplay in a sexual context is when a couple acts out a fantasy or scene with characters and a strong added erotic element. For many, roleplay acts as a form of foreplay only—a way to heighten arousal. For others, roleplay can last the entirety of the sexual experience, start to finish. Some people may have a desire for acting out Jane Austen novels or Twilight or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, figuring out if you’re Team Angel or team Spike. It’s all relative. It can be a great way to build or rebuild intimacy in your partnership, fostering creativity and safety.

Roleplay strongly depends on personal preference. No matter how goofy, serious, or cute the roleplay may be, in a sexual context, roleplay is meant to be a safe exploration. It certainly adds a little bit of fun texture to the experience, and who knows what acting out these fantasies does to our orgasms.

Tips for roleplay in the bedroom with your partner

  1. Figure out what you want to do

    If there’s a fantasy you’ve long held onto, knowing the outline of your character and your partner’s may come easy to you. If not, that’s okay! Spend some serious time thinking about your desires, what turns you on about a specific story or film, and think if that’s something you’d like to incorporate into your sexual life.
  2. Talk to your partner about it

    This is a biggie. Communication is crucial to a great, fulfilling sex life. If acting out a fantasy via roleplay will make sex better for you, absolutely speak up. You deserve to feel pleasure how you want to, and if roleplay is part of that, talk to your partner. You may end up talking a lot about it, which is good, so prepare for that and figure out how to make this work for everyone.
  3. Make a game plan

    Once you’ve decided to roleplay, it’s time to make a plan. Will you begin in a different location? Entirely in the bedroom? What about costumes? This doesn’t need to be prescriptive (unless you want to follow orders and it’s part of the act, then we salute you), but consider how you want the overall beats of the story and evening to go. Be sure to do this together so everyone knows what’s going on.
  4. Consider if you need sex toys

    If the scene or characters you’re performing weren’t alive in a sex toy era, and you’re faithful to your own sexual adaptation of it, then don’t worry about this part. But if you’re into spicing up an already pretty spicy encounter, consider adding a sex toy or two to see what can happen.
  5. Be wild, free, and embrace the laughter

    Roleplay, even if you’re assuming serious characters, is an act of joy. Especially because you’re doing it in the safety of your partnership. Embrace that spirit. Sex can be down and dirty and weird anyway. Stay safe, and don’t forget to laugh at yourself.
  6. When it’s time to go, don’t forget the lube

    Lube is an all-time addition to your sexual life. Roleplay or not, consider enhancing your sexual experience with K-Y® Lubricant - Naturals*. Lube for couples is always hot!
  7. Remember aftercare

    When it’s all over, and your period costumes are on the floor, or glitter, don’t forget to take care of each other after this. It’s particularly important for the person who suggested roleplay in the first place. Affirm that choice by having a cuddle for a minute or two or an hour—we don’t want to dictate your snuggle time—afterward.

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