How to Ask For the Sex You Want and Deserve

As the saying goes, communication is the best lubrication (or at least a close 2nd to K-Y). Whether you're in a long-term relationship or starting something new, more talking about your desires and less holding back is essential for a pleasurable experience and intimate sex.

K-Y is here to glide you through asking for what you want in the bedroom. In this article, we'll dive into how couples can communicate their deepest desires to each other, explore new sexual preferences, and overcome any lingering embarrassment – even with a long-term partner. K-Y is all about removing stigma and shame around expressing desires. From trying something new to setting healthy boundaries, when it comes to making love intimately, these conversation starters and tips will build confidence and empower you to ask your partner for the sex you want.

Make talking about your needs, the foreplay to amazing sex!

Speak Your Truth: A Guide To How To Ask For Sex

Mastering the art of articulating your desires in bed is a powerful tool. It's not just about expressing a newfound interest or suggesting new sex positions; it's about deepening the connection between you and your partner through communication and how to ask for sex without fear or judgment. This skill can heat things up in a long-term relationship that’s hit a plateau in the bedroom or lay the groundwork for a new partnership to flourish. Keep the flame alive or spark a new one with K-Y® Lubricant – Warming® Gel*.

Be curious, not judgmental

Embrace the space to explore together, approach with curiosity rather than judgment, and engage in open-ended questions. It's natural to feel apprehensive about these discussions, given the fear of judgment, rejection, or the potential of hurting your partner's feelings. It's all part of the brave act of expressing your longing for intimate sex, which requires openness, courage, and trust.

Framing your desires positively, such as saying, "There’s something I’d love to try with you," can set a welcoming tone. Compliment what you adore about your partner's approach before introducing something new, like "You know what would make this even hotter for me?...” Give your partner as much clarity as possible, and remember: enthusiasm and playful suggestions ignite flames; sharp criticism extinguishes them.

Ease into these sensitive conversations with K-Y® Lubricant – Naturals® Intimate Gel*.

Right place, right time

Timing is everything when you want to talk about how to make love that serves you both. Want to introduce sex toys or dive into more adventurous play? Choose a relaxed, non-sexy time for your chat—it can build incredible sexual tension and anticipation for what's to come. For topics requiring deeper consent discussions, such as kink or BDSM, it's essential to address these before the hanky panky begins.

Setting the scene for these talks in a relaxed environment paves the way for open, honest, and exciting exploration together. Remember, the right moment can turn a good conversation into a great one, leading you both to thrilling new experiences.

How to ask for what you want during sex

When it comes to communicating your desires during sex, using clear and direct language like "faster," "slower," or "harder" can be incredibly effective. Don't be afraid to vocalize what feels good and what you want more of by engaging in some sexy dirty talk. Additionally, showing your partner what you like by asking them to watch you can be a powerful way to enhance making love intimately. This visual demonstration not only serves as a turn-on but also fosters a deeper connection and understanding between you both. Remember, your partner WANTS to satisfy you. By clearly expressing your likes and how you wish to be touched or stimulated, you empower your partner to meet your needs.

Actions Can Speak Louder Than Words

When it comes to expressing your sexual desires, sometimes actions speak louder than words. If you find it challenging to verbalize what you want, consider showing your partner through gentle guidance and playful exploration that may spark curiosity.

  • Guide them with your hand
  • Share suggestive looks
  • Share your fantasies in a written letter
  • Listen to a sex-positive podcast together
  • Read erotic stories
  • See a sex therapist

These actions can not only make your intentions clear but also add an element of excitement when you are talking about making love intimately.

Remember, you both deserve the intimate sex you want.

Your pleasure journey is as much about your satisfaction as it is about your partner's. Are you still feeling hesitant? Remember, you're entitled to feel amazing; your partner is eager to make that happen. Speak up, dive deep, and turn your shared moments into unforgettable intimate sex.

Say no to discomfort and oh yes to pleasure with K-Y® Lubricant – Sensual Silk® Liquid*.

Transform your sex life through open communication

Smooth out any friction in the bedroom and dive into intimate sex conversations and experiences that will leave you both wanting more. With K-Y by your side, you'll build a stronger connection through open communication, mutual exploration, and a shared journey toward a deeper understanding of how to ask for the sex you want.


*Ensure this product is right for you. Always read and follow the product label.