Learn your sex language: a map to better intimacy

What’s your sex language?

Not sure what that means? Okay, let’s back up a little bit.

You might already be familiar with the five love languages, which help define how to give and receive love in relationships – physical touch, quality time, gifts, words of affirmation and acts of service.

Sexual languages take things deeper still, with the idea that everyone has an “erotic blueprint,” developed by somatic sexologist and educator Jaiya (of Sex, Love & Goop fame).

Understanding your desires and preferences can empower you to seek deeper connections in your relationships and intimate encounters. So, let’s dive in and determine what your unique sexual language is.

What are the five sex languages?

The sensual type

As the sensual type, you like to invite all five senses into the bedroom – sight (think: blindfolds), smell, touch, hearing and yes, even taste (chocolate-covered strawberry, anyone?). You’re fully open to full-body pleasure. As for the touch factor, turn up the heat with the K-Y® Lubricant  Warming® Gel* and help jump-start intimacy with your partner.

To learn more about creating a sensual mood, read How to set the mood with music.

The energetic type

For the energetic type, the lead-up to sexual love and intimacy is everything. You’re all about the anticipation, and it takes almost no effort to turn you on. But this type is also highly sensitive, so make sure you don’t get caught up in your thoughts or start overthinking things – total mood killers.

Is overthinking causing intimacy issues? Check out How Do I Get Out of My Head During Sex?

The sexual type

As the sexual type, you’re turned on by what might typically come to mind when one thinks of sexual love. You’re a straightforward, no-frills kind of customer who deeply enjoys some good old-fashioned nudity, genitalia, and penetration. This is amazing for you, so why not make the classics even more comfortable with K-Y® Lubricant  Sensual Silk® Liquid*? (You’re welcome.)

The kinky type

If something’s considered sexually taboo, the kinky type is super into it. Chains and whips excite you (cue the Riri, please), and you might also derive pleasure from the psychological side of things. You may get off on playing around with different power dynamics or participating in some naughty role-play.

Curious to learn more about kinks? Read What’s a kink and what’s a fetish?

The shapeshifter type

Just as the name implies, the shapeshifter type can fit into any of the sexual love language types – sensual, energetic, sexual or kinky. You can ebb and flow depending on your partner’s preferences, and this act in itself turns you on.


Did you discover the sexual language that speaks to you the most? Or maybe you could relate to more than one? Even better. This knowledge will give you a deeper understanding of your preferences and desires, leading to deeper connections in your relationships.

And while there isn’t an app to help you become fluent in your sex language (yet), it’s time to start engaging in plenty of study sessions with your partner. As they say, practice makes perfect ;).


*Ensure this product is right for you. Always read and follow the product label.

The Editors of goop. (2022, July 26). What’s Your Erotic Blueprint Type? | Goop. https://goop.com/ca-en/wellness/sexual-health/how-to-find-your-erotic-blueprint/