Does dirty talk strengthen intimacy?

Dirty talk is underrated. What’s better than a person’s hot breath on your ear as they whisper exactly how they are going to make you orgasm?

It’s a highly valuable form of foreplay—wonderful for building anticipation for sex. Dirty talk, an art that can be practiced over and over again. It can help couples strengthen intimacy issues between each other, giving space to vulnerability and experimentation.

Here we’ll go through why dirty talk turns us on, how to make sure your partner likes dirty talk, and some dirty talk and sex tips to get you started or bolster your existing repertoire.

Why does dirty talk turn us on so much?

People are a verbal bunch, and we like to fantasize, which makes dirty talk pretty ideal for bedroom activities. Recent studies have shown a vast majority of people around the world fantasize about their partner talking dirty to them. Women, unsurprisingly, love dirty talk.

Think about moaning, or even panting or screaming, during sex: these verbal cues turn both partners on and signal how sex is going. Dirty talk is an extension of that. It helps to stimulate our brain and body in new, elevated ways for the experience.

Consent and dirty talk

There is nothing sexier on this earth than being asked by a partner what you like in your sex life. Building (or rebuilding) intimacy with dirty talk hinges on the respect consent provides by asking your partner what they like to hear—or if they like to hear anything at all.

We’d advise against coming right out and asking someone if they like a certain filthy thing, and instead check-in. Ask if they’d like to hear about a sexy thought or dream you had or that you’re in the mood and you’d like to let them know what you’re thinking.

Also, communicate any no-go trigger words and certain boundaries to ensure a consensual, beautiful sexual experience.

Sexy tips for hot dirty talk

  • Sext it. New to dirty talk? It can be daunting to speak out loud about some of yours or your partner’s desires, so test the figurative waters by sending flirty, hot sexts.
  • Build anticipation. If you want to go from good to phenomenal dirty talk, treat it like physical foreplay: go slow, pause to ask your partner if they like it, and follow the rhythms of their response. Going slow will help the whole experience last longer.
  • Be confident, be yourself. Anyone can tell you what to say but only you know by asking your partner what they like and where and how, which means they trust you. Don’t force dirty talk by performing as anyone else but you.
  • Be in the moment, don’t overthink it. The power of dirty talk lies in being reactive to your partner’s responses. Build this sexy world like a narrator of a book but don’t plot it out with precision.
  • Dirty talk aftercare. Building intimacy requires such moments of vulnerability and a reassurance of safety. Preferences of dirty talk can run the gamut of ordinary and sexy to talking through specific kinks and fetishes, sometimes ones that involve discomfort. Incorporate aftercare like cuddles or pillow talk to fortify your relationship.

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